cosmic chaos

cultivating calm & creativity in my corner of the world

Archive for the month “February, 2013”

Rite of Passage — Then and Now


Today’s post is a contribution to August McLaughlin’s Beauty of a Woman BlogFest 2013.
When I was growing up, I saw wearing makeup as a rite of passage. My mother didn’t use many cosmetics – just lipstick and face powder – so I wasn’t exposed to the finer points of its use.

When I was in 9th grade, I took my makeup compact to school. I knew that Mom wouldn’t let me pass by with full makeup on without comment. So I snuck it out, ducked into the girl’s bathroom as soon as I got to school and applied green eye shadow, red blush and lipstick. This was the first time I really applied makeup.

If a little is good, then a lot must be better, I thought.

I was heavy handed. I wasn’t sure if I was applying it correctly.

“Does this look all right?” I asked my friend.

She assured me it was fine. I believed her. I was happy. I succeeded in my rite. I was a teenager wearing makeup. I was beautiful.

I went through the whole day. When I got home, my mother looked at me.

“A little much, isn’t it?” she asked.

I shrugged. When I went to my room, I stood in front of my mirror. I was horrified. I looked like a clown.  I washed off the makeup. The washcloth looked like my face had sloughed off in its folds – green eyes and red cheeks left behind on the white cloth.   

 The next day I went to school sans makeup, praying no one made comment. No one did.

Later I learned how to subtlety apply foundation, eye shadow and blush — blending colors to enhance my features instead of overpower them.

Sixteen years ago, after the birth of my first child, I all but stopped wearing makeup. I figured I look how I look. People who liked me would like me without makeup; people who chose to shun me because I didn’t wear makeup would never like me any way.

Don’t get me wrong  –  I don’t always like every aspect of my appearance. Some days I am my own worst critic, magnifying the slightest flaw. It’s hard to compare yourself to the media’s version of beauty without feeling that you fall short. But I have to remind myself that those images aren’t real. Most have been digitally altered past anything nature ever created or that is remotely healthy.

Looking back, I learned a lesson that day in 9th grade that has taken me years to internalize:  Feeling beautiful is more about your perception of yourself than your actual appearance.

Look around. See the woman who has the radiant smile. The one who lights up a room. The woman who people just want to be around to share in the warmth of her spirit. I bet she learned the same lesson.

What about you?


One Down ….

As 2013 approached, I decided not to make resolutions.  Instead I intended to set small, obtainable goals throughout the year.  These small goals have two purposes:  1) to improve my overall health and 2) to declutter my life so I can be more creative.

I became overwhelmed in 2012.  There were too many distractions from my kid’s activities, outside demands, and an excess of stuff that never made it past the kitchen table.  So I decided to break tasks down into bite sized pieces. I also vowed not to beat myself up over setbacks.

I did not submit my writing to many publishers last year.  This year I want to be very intentional in submitting my writing.  In January, I entered the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award.  This contest was open from January 14th to 27th for entries and maxed out at 10,0000 entries.  This is a multiple tier contest; the first round being decided on a 300 word pitch.  I had never composed a pitch before.  I’ve known about this contest for three years, but I always missed the deadline.  This year, I was determined to participate.  I uploaded my pitch, an excerpt and the entire manuscript for Blood Adversaries.  As soon as I hit submit, anxiety swept over me.  Doubts ran through my mind.  But a writer has to put her work into the public and have thick enough skin to accept feedback whether positive or negative.  Rejection is definitely a negative.

On February 13th, the selections for entries moving to the second round were announced.  The judges chose 2000 of the original 10,000 entries for the next tier.  I clicked on the Science Fiction/Fantasy/Horror tab and scrolled through the list.  I prepared for disappoint.  Then I found my name.  I’m still in the running!

Click here for the entire list of entries going on to round two.

It’s a great start to 2013!

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