There’s no turning back
It’s been an interesting couple of weeks.
After years trying to get my first novel Blood Adversaries published, I decided to release it myself as an Amazon Kindle Edition. It took a little longer than I thought to learn the formatting and to re-edit my manuscript. Then I decided to design the cover myself. After researching how to create an e-book cover, I picked GIMP as the program to use. I have never used a photo manipulating program so I had to learn all the basics and then some. After multiple trials and errors, I got the book cover I wanted.
Blood Adversaries went live on Amazon.com on June 9th. It was thrilling to see my work as a real book — one that others can purchase and read. Finally, I was a published author! I walked around on cloud nine for the next two days. I checked Amazon.com at least two or three times during the day to make sure that my book was still there. Each time, I was filled with bubbling happiness.
Then, people started talking to me about my book. People who did not know I was a writer. People who only knew my professional persona. My writing is much different. Much darker. I love stories of the supernatural so that is the genre I tend to write. Vampires, demons, ghosts,mystic healers. Areas that are not in line with the logical, analytical program director that most people see. Suddenly, I felt overexposed and a little vulnerable.
But one thing I’ve learned over the course of years is that a writer has to develop a thick skin. It is the only way to survive when you put your work out to literary agents and publishers to judge. It is the only way to survive when you get rejection letters over and over for the story and characters you love. And so you do.
Many years ago at a workshop I attended, the icebreaker activity was to pick one word that described yourself. I chose multifaceted. There are many parts to me — some that I choose to share with the public, some that I share only with people very close to me and some I keep totally private. Up until now, the paranormal writer side of me was shared with only a few people. Mostly people who loved the genre as much as I do. People who gave me feed back about story lines. Or people who could help guide me with editing and the publishing process. Now I am opening this side of me for the public to see.
In truth, I feel like I’ve gotten on an amusement park ride not actually knowing what it is. I found myself at the top of a roller coaster. I don’t like roller coasters. Sudden drops terrify me. But here I am and the reality is that there is no getting off now. I’m holding on for all I’m worth, not knowing what is to come. I’m screaming in terror then laughing in wonder. It’s an adventure. Let’s see what comes next.